94 or 47

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94 is a very big number. There are a lot of decades behind it, if it is in years.
Almost 10, even.
Next week, my age will be half of 94, and that in itself seems like a lot of numbers.
47, even.
Maybe my nostalgia today isn’t in 94. I mean, it’s not like my dad lived to his 94th birthday… today. Maybe my melancholy lies in the fact that my dad was 47 when I was born. The years before 47 teach you quite a bit. I guess they taught my dad he wanted me. I hope so. Either that, or after me, he was like,

I. Can. NOT. Do. THIS.

I prefer to think his feelings were more about not being able to again create someone he would fall so hard for. His baby girl. He wasn’t always there. He wasn’t always great when he was there. I’m certain I was worse. But I never doubted he loved me, and that I was his baby girl. And the days we had together when I was little, in my mind… were perfect.

Something that the doctors thought literally broke his heart, was when mine was broken. I wish he could peak inside my heart now. He would see Mr. Matrimony there, and my dad’s own heart would have been healed. His words of White steam cars, and how they move, would have no better landing spot that my son’s eager ears. I think that is probably what I long for most when I think of Dad. I wish my son could come home from visiting “Cap’n”. Mr. Awesome would smell of kerosene and cigars. He’d have even more stories to share with me. He would have loved my dad. Dad would love his grandson too. They’d probably be the best of buddies. With his mind aging, Dad could lean on my son’s explanations of things. They would teach each other.

My Dad, brother, and I.... circa 1973
My Dad, brother, and I…. circa 1973

Sometimes the things we miss the most are the things we never experienced.

Make sure you are savoring every good thing you do experience, so you will miss them when they’re gone.

Happy Birthday Daddy ❤


2 thoughts on “94 or 47

    Lynda said:
    April 12, 2014 at 4:49 pm

    I am amazed at your ability to grasp the situation when you were so young and the able way you can put it into words. he would be very happy with you and your family. I think the biggest problem when a young woman marries an older man and has children, chances are they will be gone out of their lives way to early.

      Dumpster Diving Darling responded:
      April 12, 2014 at 7:14 pm

      I guess that is the biggest problem. Sometimes though, later in life the younger woman is blessed to be loved by a younger man.
      Thank you for your compliments on my writing. It means the world to me ❤

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